It’s understandable if you have a lot of questions, especially if you haven’t used our product yet. Just taking these all natural supplements for a short time can bring a level of clarity that’s really quite impossible to believe. Until that time, here are some of the most frequently asked questions and the answers to them as well.

Is this a joke?

If you have to ask, you really need our product. The answer is sadly very plain, but if you have to ask, it may be some time before you can realize the easy truth that it is. We empathize with your condition, though we could never sympathize, because we’re just not that dumb. It’s nothing personal, we really want you to get better, and we’re eager to help. Jokes will become more obvious once your intelligence increases.

What is it made out of?

It depends who you ask. We like to say that it’s made out of a drop of honey, a sprinkle of fairy dust and a smidgeonly smattering of happy blondeness. Beyond that it’s Vitamins A, B6, B12, C, D, E, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Niacin, Biotin, Calcium, Iron, Iodine, Magnesium, Zinc, Selenium, Copper, Manganese, Chromium, Molybdenum, Potassium, L-Glutamine, DHA (from hand-trimmed cod oil), inisotol, fruit extracts (hand massaged), and a modicum of silica, you know, for good measure and properly consistent pouring. These nutrients have been selected for this fantastic formula because they are absorbable, naturally occurring, and biologically active. We also may or may not add some other ingredients, which may or may not be mellowing agents of natural or artificial nature, but nothing has yet to be disclosed. That may change very soon, but we’re opting to wait until such time.

Isn’t Chromium (and other ingredients) poisonous?

Yes, but that’s not the point. The point is that all together they are beneficial and will make you smart. If you were already taking it, you’d know that by now.

What side effects can I expect?

Side effects are rare, and even more rarely reported. We do know of a number of cases (less than 10%) of full facial female beardedness, with lower incidence of fe-balls and She-Hulk Syndrome. In rare cases women taking higher than recommended doses have experienced mitosis, as well as two documented cases of mild to moderate Eve’s Apple or spontaneous polythelia eruption and lactoproduction. Subjects with these symptoms found them beneficial, so they aren’t listed as negative consequences.

Is it harmful in any way?

What’s harmful? You won’t break a leg or puncture a lung using this product, so by that reckoning it is entirely safe. If you’re asking if you may experience meandering tendon, then the answer isn’t quite as plain, though it’s still probably only just maybe. We don’t take it, for what it’s worth, but we do recommend it to anyone we meet who may be able to afford it on an ongoing basis. Then again, never ask a barber if you need a haircut. We’re no barbers in the modern sense, but in the medieval sense, we’re pretty close up there.

This supplement will make women smarter. Does that mean it will make them uglier?

In theory, it will not, but in practice it is a matter of opinion. Some men find bold, empowered, intelligent women less attractive. Secondly, some women who rise to a higher plane of intellect will realize how unimportant the ownership of three-hundred shoes is, or the unimportance of shaving three-times daily. Lastly, there is the strong possibility that the subtle increase of natural, perfectly normal hormones, released by our supplements, will cause terrible acne and sudden growth of female facial, back and shoulder hair. Some men don’t find that attractive, but again, these are matters of taste.

Does this interfere with birth control?

Yes and no. This formula has been known to defeat the birth control pill or Depo shot (no other form of birth control is affected), but the increased likelihood of fertilization is generally offset by the diminished desire for women of newly increased intelligence to continue having unprotected intercourse with their existing partners. Most women, upon increasing their intelligence, choose immediately to upgrade the men they’ve allowed themselves to have been dated by. Though fertility is effectively increased, the overall odds of impregnation are diminished.

Are you really saying women are dumb?

No, not at all, please don’t think that. Dumb means unable to speak. Don’t feel bad for the misunderstanding, a lot of people make that mistake. No, what we’re saying is that women are stupid, but that they can recover from their natural feminine stupidity thanks to our revolutionary supplement formula.

What are you suggesting?

We’re not suggesting anything, we’re just saying. If we were to suggest something, you’d know it, because it would involve passing you a room key and throwing you a few dozen sexually evocative winks from one or both eyes, followed by a gentle tugging on your leash to lead you where your animal nature knows you wish to go. That’s suggestive, this is just saying.

Can I crush it up and put it in my wife/girlfriends food?

Yes you can, of course, but be careful how you do it. Don’t try to add it to pork chops, ice cream or prime rib, for example, though it does blend well with foods like mashed potatoes, pudding (medicine flavor is best) and macaroni. The trick becomes finding the four-times-daily opportunity to somehow stick it to her, and the supplement can not be taken in suppository form. Unless you have a real hog on your hands, in which case you may need to take some stupid pills of your own, it may prove problematic attempting to dose her as often as required.

Can it be taken anally?

Yes it can, but it will have no effect, and will likely be shat out within a few hours or minutes prior to the outside coating even being dissolved. Ultimately the choice is yours. If you decide to administer the very large, somewhat lumpy, fairly abrasive capsule by way of the rectum, please match the exact dosage by mouth at the same time.

I crushed it up and put it in my girlfriends BJ lube, now she won’t talk to me. Why is that?

There are two possibilities here. It may be that she’s grown too intelligent to permit you to ever again have access to her, or her vagina. The second, and more likely possibility, is that her mouth is so stuffed with what would appear to be your manliness that she couldn’t talk if she wanted to, save perhaps to hum a muffled star spangled banner. To determine which is the case, ask her if she’s in the middle of gobbling you orally, and if she answers “Mm-hmm”, then it’s the latter.

Aren’t women just as good and smart already?

For legal reasons, we’re obligated to answer that they indeed are just as smart. But imagine for a minute that we weren’t operating in a politically correct environment, and that we were to objectively assess the successes of women as a whole, rather than objectify them as a hole, as is more often the case. Women are the majority in our society, but yet they own fewer businesses, earn less money, and amass less wealth. In cases of divorce, the men end up paying out to their under-earning exes at a rate of three-to-one, and all the women have to show for it is their tits, which they statistically rarely show. You tell me one good reason why a gender that has been in the majority for thousands of years is still inferior to men and I’ll show you a bunch of women who can’t clear their heads long enough to compose a single rational thought. All that can change thanks to our product!

I’m trying to return my pills for a refund, but it says I have to pay for overnight certified mail. Doesn’t that cost more than the refund value of my order?

We do not know the costs of shipping from a consumer angle. We only know that we have been able to operate our business successfully for quite some time. If you feel that the $40+ dollars necessary to return your product for a FULL REFUND (limitations apply), then maybe you don’t want your $20 to $30 back as bad as you thought you did. Learning this critical difference in value is only further evidence that our product is capable of introducing rational thought, often for the first time, in women.

I know I can cancel at any time, but I’ve been taking the pills and I’m still not smart enough to remember it. What should I do?

Because we offer such a unique, comprehensive return policy for those who do not immediately become as smart as they might like to be, we encourage users still too dumb to muster the brainpower to remember to pick up the phone to just ride it out. Wait until the time really seems right for you to remember it. Don’t struggle, just let our automatic monthly billing take the lead, and when the time is right, and you’re finally smart enough to call us off, you’ll know it, and that will be all the proof you need that our product really is as powerful and effective as we’ve always said it would be.

But women get good grades in school, doesn’t that mean they’re smart?

What an excellent question! If you’d have thought of it yourself, it would have almost made a step towards the disproof of our very principal, but you didn’t, it doesn’t, and we’re still in the same place. Ugly girls have to be smart, and gorgeous girls don’t. All girls get good marks from female teachers who wish to advance the myth-agenda of female equality, and cuties get top marks from male teachers who wish (secretly or openly) to eventually have a crack at their cracks, front or back. I’ve taken notes from straight-A hot girls only to read them and quickly learn they were in fact semi-retarded. Turns out it wasn’t the A’s that were straight, as much as the T&A was upstanding and perky. Can’t blame that 40-something pervert, I’d have hammered that hotty-hole inside out, given the opportunity (which I almost had at a party, but my friend Kevin snuck in that snooch before I could apply my pressure.)

You must have a mother, isn’t she a wise woman?

Yes she is. She’s been taking our product since before it was even launched, and as of today she understands how to behave in a four-way stop, how to not put on makeup during rush hour traffic, and she’s starting to understand the difference between metric and standard measurements. She’s even enrolled in a Parallel Parking class at the learning annex!

Do you guys just hate women or what?

Not at all. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that this is a stupid question, but I won’t hold it against you. No, we love women, and every member of our staff has personally, intimately loved some number of women, even those on our staff who are women themselves. We don’t dislike women at all. In fact, we love them so much we wholly dedicate ourselves to finding a way to make them not so dumb all the time. Imagine having the perfect guy, but he’s too pale, and just by inventing an herbal supplement, you could convince him to pay you outrageous amounts of money in the vein hope that he might become taller. That’s what we do for the women we love, and the women we would wish to love if only we could meet them in person, preferably in a quiet setting.

What happens if I accidentally took some, and I’m a dude?

Yikes. Um, well, it’s probably no big deal, but I would watch out for your bro-boobs, and maybe not play and racket sports in the next few days. If you discover you’re testicles are shaking, undulating or pulsating, you may wish to consult with a doctor. If you find you are attracted to men for reasons beyond your understanding, that is not an effect of our product, but rather evidence of your own latent homosexuality unleashed. Congratulations, you like dudes.

I want to return the unused portion of my brain enhancing supplement, does that make me dumb?

It’s a tricky question, but the short answer is “yes”. The long answer is “definitely yes”, so let me explain. If you bought it, it was because you knew you suffered from Dumb Woman syndrome, an occurrence afflicting roughly half of the population. If you wish to return the product, it is because there is no cure for your dumbness. If you’re reading this, we believe you aren’t dumb. If we are wrong, and you still wish to make a return, simply admit that you are still a dumb woman and we will gladly refund some portion of your payment as detailed throughout our site.